> THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY > MARRIED FOR YEARS. > > > > THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S > HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE > NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES > WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. > > > > EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING > THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE > COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE > TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE > WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. > > > > THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN > ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY > FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT > THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE > PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. > > > > SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS > SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE > PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND > EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS > > > > SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS > USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING > SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO > THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE > ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS > OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRE TT Y GOOD. > > > > ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS > IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS > FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. > > > > HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE > YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO > YOU.' > > > > 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE. > > > > 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP > FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.' > > > > BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS, I > THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.