Off Topic

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly poppin…

start at the top and pick each condition... click here for the test wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

deer santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what y…

A man with a speech impediment goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen. The man with the speech problem quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and asks, "Ess-tues me, sir?" "Yes?" replies the clerk. Tould you tale me how mutsh your pisstasheos arr?" "Pistachio's? They're $6 a pound." "SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing and then asks, "Welp, how mutsh arr your aahhmons?" "Almonds? They're $7.50 a pound." "SSIT! tas pensive," replies the tongue-tied man. "Welp, how bout your pikanns?" "Pecans? They're on sale today, they're only $4.50 a pound" "Welp, Ssit. Just di…

just wanted to see what yall are up too we are throwing a new years part at my pad this year,anyone in the general areas invited(Hemet,Riverside CA. area)

i'm not gonna leave them up for too long cuz photobucket can only allow so much linking of images. :4123357f3da0f6e125a54:

hope you have a good one buddy, your one of my favorite people that I have never met in person, don't drown in the Molson XXX

Damn bro, you were working hard today!

Seems like my wife is the worst. For example, I check the bank accounts regularly and I keep very good track or what is coming out and going in. But my wife has a different take on it. She thinks as long as she has checks there is money in the bank. This is bad enough, but then she forgets to tell me and things go from bad to worse. Like for instance, she forgot to tell me about 3 checks she wrote a few days ago. Tap that in with the normal bills that go out and you end up with a balance of -$380. Thakfully it is Payday tomorrow and My check will cover the balance deficit and we can still pay all our bills, but damn. Just between last night and what will hit tonight it wi…

:4123357f3da0f6e125a54:

Wouls this be considered corrupting my child? I say I am preparing her for the real world:) On a side note she is pretty damn lucky with that slot machine

how do i do it!!!???

Yo, for any of you who like Rock, Funk, Jazz, Hip-Hop, Drum and Bass, Reggae, or Jam Bands go and check out my new band on soundclick. I just set the site up earlier today and put some of our jams up on there. These are all intrumentals and are all improv straight outta nowhere. Lemme know what you think... http://www.soundclick.com/spontuscalem oh by the way im the drummer...

this is a copycat from ca.com... anyone know what their vehicle will do? i just got a gtech from ebay..man, this thing is neat. i haven't used the gforce measurements yet... wife's 2004 pontiac grand prix gt2 with the 3.8ltr 200hp SAE net rating...0-60 in 8.1 sec with the 1/4 mile going by in 16.4 @ 87mph...no hp readings yet. my 2004 siverado with the 295hp SAE net rated 5.3ltr did 9.1secs 0-60, with the 1/4 going by in 17.1 @ 81 mph. with a GVWR of 6400pds (minus 4 ppl i inputed 5700pds), i got a 235 hp rating including drag at the wheels. a friend's 1987 buick turbo t did the 0-60 in 5.4 secs with the 1/4 going by in 12.5 @ 115 mph. he's also putting 250 hp to the grou…

V8 806bhp

Well, I want you guys to look over my logic. I was figuring that after winter I'd buy some new tires for the Mazda (FWD). Right now there are four all seasons on it. It appears as though the original factory front tires were moved to the rear, and a new set of all seasons were purchased and placed on the front. The tires in the rear don't have a lot of tread left on them - in fact, they look just like a street drag radial with minimal tread. I enjoyed yanking the e-brake through the floor when I didn't have the uberwoofer in there ... needless to say, I don't do that anymore. There's plenty of tread left on the front all seasons. I figure I'll throw the front all seaso…

this is NOT WORK SAFE ***NWS*** http://www.car-sex-positions.com/index.html

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a se…

A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine." The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby." The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass and he'll pass a Harley Davidson." wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for early retirement a bonus of $1000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer's got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000. The third one was a grizzly …

An Avon lady is in an elevator on her way to a big meeting with her big boss. Well she farts and Sprays "Avon Evergreen deoderizer" About 2 floors later a young man steps on the elevator. She asks him "Sir do you smell something in here??" He replies "Ya it smells like someone $hit under a christmas tree." J

Anyone else use this? I think it's pretty sweet! Looks like I have a HU on my screen.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent set up, they fell asleep. Some hours later, the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend and says, "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asked The Lone Ranger. Tonto ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of Planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. …

A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive woman standing alone. He approached her and asked her name. "My name is Carmen," she told him. "That's a beautiful name," he said. "Did your mother give it to you?" "No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most in my life - cars and men." They continued to talk and finally she asked "What's your name"? "Beerfuck," he replied. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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