Off Topic

An Avon lady is in an elevator on her way to a big meeting with her big boss. Well she farts and Sprays "Avon Evergreen deoderizer" About 2 floors later a young man steps on the elevator. She asks him "Sir do you smell something in here??" He replies "Ya it smells like someone $hit under a christmas tree." J

Anyone else use this? I think it's pretty sweet! Looks like I have a HU on my screen.

A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive woman standing alone. He approached her and asked her name. "My name is Carmen," she told him. "That's a beautiful name," he said. "Did your mother give it to you?" "No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most in my life - cars and men." They continued to talk and finally she asked "What's your name"? "Beerfuck," he replied. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent set up, they fell asleep. Some hours later, the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend and says, "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asked The Lone Ranger. Tonto ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of Planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. …

http://forum.soundillusions.net/article.php?a=202

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, huh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep. A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?" wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

yep...really good beer... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

so i got a ticket yesterday for speeding. Does my insurance double?

I was thinking about getting two color-tone leather seats to replace the crappy cloth in my car. Is it worth the trouble? or will it burn my butt off in the humid/hot weather in Louisiana? I was thinking maybe either two toned perforated leather or leather with suede insert... Right now they are offering 599 for the basic leather (+30 for two tone, +25 shipping, +85 for suede or +35 for flat perforated inserts) from http://leatherseats.com/ until Nov. 1 or 679 after.

For any of you that didnt already see this on CA.com... I know awhile ago I sent some people a few .mp3's that me and some of my friends made while we were drunk...well anyways, weve kept on getting drunk and making dumb rap songs so for anyone who wants to hear a few, heres the myspace link... http://www.myspace.com/gstar It only allows me to upload 4 songs at once so I chose to leave out the more offensive songs. For a free copy of our first CD, Sexy Styles, just send me an e-mail with your address and ill send you a CD. My e-mail is... [email protected]

Marriage - Part I Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether you're here or not." ************************************ Marri…

A husband walks into Fredrick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer > > > > >lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range > > > > >from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He > > opts > > > > >for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home. > > > > > > > > > >He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and > > > > >model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's > so > > > > >sheer > > > > >that it might as well be nothing. I won't put i…

http://www.big-boys.com/articles/dotmove.html I got to level 4, see what you can do.

click here for some druken fun... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

give this a click wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Patent app

hehe... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

today i started my new job... i run the machine that inserts/crimps the projectile into the case of the 30mm round fired in the A-10 (warthog) Thunderbolt tank buster attack plane. we load TP (target practise) HEI, AP (depleted uranium and others) and several others. the TP projectile weighs in at .84 pd.....hehe..cool huh? that works out to a 5,880 grain bullet... anyway, i think i now have the coolest job ever.....btw, the pay is good, the benefits great and i don't work hard... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

....and she thought that these were Her cats... Today, I came home and found this in my rec room. I've still got a bunch of drivers sitting around down there (on shelves). Apparently this Vega & Eclipse were the most comfy though! And, these boys had better grow out of this habit!

NOW!!! lol... More people should sit there and wait for people to show up... I am in there right now.

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the ?????" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out. "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?" She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's Miracle Grow." now ya know the......rest of the story. hehehehahhahaha wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first somewhat-portly mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom, wearing an expensive fur coat; "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Mercedes." He turns to the third Mom, who was somewhat inebriated; "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, who was wearing a skintight leather skirt, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and …

so what do you think guys, this or my rims?

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the bar. It's filled to the brim with ten-dollar bills. The man guesses, there must be thousands of dollars there. He approaches the bartender and asks him, "What's up with the jar?" The bartender tells him, "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then you get all of the money." "What are the three tests?" "Pay first. Those are the rules." So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar with the other bills. The bartender says, "OK, here's what you have to do: "First, you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND you c…