I need a good laugh ...

So this pirate walks into a bar. Bartender goes, "You have a steering wheel in your pants". Pirate looks down, and says, "Arggg, it's drivin' me nuts!"

So this ugly guy walks into a bar. He starts pouring beer over his hand. Bartender goes, "Why are you pouring beer over your hand ?" The ugly guy responds, "I'm getting my date drunk."

It's all I got ... :angry:

- Steve

the first one is great

C'mon, someone's gotta have some good jokes!

- Steve

Ok so this guy is watching a porn and his wife walks in front of the tv, and the guy goes get yo no titty self out the way, so the wife goes and buys a mirror, and she says mirror mirror on the door, give me 48 double D's pleez, so her tits get huge and she walks back down stares the man tackles her and is like were did you get these , the wife responds from the magic mirror, so the guy goes to the mirror and says mirror mirror on the door make my johnson touch the floor...And his legs fell off..

Ok so this guys penis is 25 in long right which is to long for him so he asks this which how can he make it smaller so she tells him to go into the woods and ask the frog to marry him.. So the guy goes into the woods and sees the frog and he ask will you marry me the frog says NO, so his penis shrunk to 20in which was still to long so he asked again, and the frog said no so it shrunk to 15in which ws still to long for him so he asked the frog again will you marry me and the frog said NO, NO,NO...

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.

First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.

Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.

The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."

The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on."

She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."He thanked her and continued playing golf.

On the back nine he got lost again.

He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on."

She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13." Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.

"I'm in sales." He replied "no kidding so am I.

What do you sell?" She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised.

She said, "I sell tampons".

He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".

He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you."

jamie