Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity???

Why does pizza come in a square box?

What disease did "cured ham" have anyway?

How is it that we put man on the moon, before we figured out that luggage needed wheels?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, it is still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi and work in the coke factory will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change and they are going to see you naked anyway?

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, who do they call?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze those dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the refrigerator, and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license why do they tell you to smile, like you are going to smile if you get pulled over for a ticket?

If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, how come he can't fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They are both dogs.

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see in their dream?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil from vegetables, what is baby oil made of???

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and twinkle little star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere and a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad, but when you take him for a ride, he sticks his head out of the window?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address in the first place?

:post:

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer..

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

and from somewhere far, far away she heard.......

I

l

"We're down here!"

Subject: Re: The Bacon Tree

>

> A couple of Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks.

>

> At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer,

> they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon,

> crispy bacon, life-giving nearly-raw juicy bacon, all sorts of bacon.

>

> "Hey, Pepi" says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree! We're saved!!"

>

> So Pepi goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five

> feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets.

>

> His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepi.

> "Pepi!! Pepi!! Que pasa hombre?"

>

> With his last breath Pepi calls out, "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a

> bacon tree, ees a ham bush".

Top Ten most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down.........

by David Letterman

10. The cucumber has left the salad.

9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson.....

6. Elvis is leaving the building.

5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.....

1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

> Subject: Wal-Mart Bargain

> To: >

>

>

>

>

> A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's

> birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and

> goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there

> wearing dark shades.

>

>

> She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and

> reel?

>

>

> He says,"Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the

> counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the

> sound it makes."

>

>

> She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

>

>

> He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404

> reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and

> it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

>

>

> She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound

> of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse,

> her credit card drops on the floor.

>

>

> "Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

>

>

> She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first

> she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind

> clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know

> that she was only person around. The man rings up the sale and says,

> That'll be $34.50 please."

>

>

> The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it

> was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

>

>

> He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call

> is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

:post:

Subject: FW: I Always Wondered

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot

on their foreheads. We have always naively

thought that it had something to do with their

religion. The true story has recently been revealed

by the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C. When

one of these women gets married, she brings with

her, a dowry. On her wedding night, the husband

scratches off the red spot to see if he has won a

convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or

a motel in the United States.

:post:

:post:

:post:

Top Ten most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down.........

by David Letterman

10. The cucumber has left the salad.

9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson.....

6. Elvis is leaving the building.

5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.....

1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

That's a good one...

What can Brown do for you?

http://www.lohanfreestyle.com/