How do you get a clown off of a unicycle?

Hit him in the face with a pick-axe.

What is the only bad thing about eating Wendy's French Fries?

The fact your eating out of a thirteen year old red heads box.

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

A nun walks by a bar and then all of a sudden a drunk man walks out and starts beating the crap out of the nun; people start gathering around and break it up, then the drunk man gets up stagering and mumbles, "I told you Batman wasn't that tough."

Why does a dog lick his nuts?

Because he can.

How can you tell if your sperm count is high??

Your girlfriend needs to chew before she can swallow...

A seven year old Cleveland, OH boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, so the judge awarded custody to his aunt. The boy confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he refused to live there. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone. The judge then decided to allow the boy to choose who should have custody of him.

Custody was eventually granted to the Cleveland Browns, as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone.

A father had to take his daughter to the gynecologist.

After her check-up, the doctor spoke with the father.

"Mr. Anderson, is your daughter sexually active"?

"No. She just lays there like her mother"!

What is the best part of a blow job?

The 5 minutes of silence.

Wife reading newspaper: Honey, what do you think about this new abortion bill?

Husband: Pay it.

Q- why does Donovan mcnabb's mom always serve the Eagles chunky noodle soup in a cup?

A- when the Eagles get to the bowl they choke

2 priests walk in a bar, the first priest says: "hey, did you hear the one about us?"