People learn and people teach in different ways. What you perceive as "knocking down" may not be so at all. You have to remember that true emotion can not be conveyed through type. For instance, you've changed your screen name to chill, yet the way in which you post shows much animosity, You've typed about people showing respect then also typed about not giving a fuck, so there's blatant hypocrisy. So what I see is you talk about change, but deep down, the demons are still there. I applaud you for making the change, for trying, for realizing there was a problem. I used to get into fights all the time, not give a fuck about anything, etc. . . It sucked. It's hard. I don't know what changed for me, but one day it's like I just got sick of feeling like that. But my demons sometimes poke their heads out and no matter what. they are always there. It's all a matter of how you control them. Good luck to you in your venture towards happiness, just remember to keep an open mind and remember that everyone has a different perception.