One Wish

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.

The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9 inches high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.

He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.

The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful Piece by Mozart!

'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.

This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says : 'Here. Rub it.'

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

'I will grant you one wish.. Just one wish... each person is only allowed one!'

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want A million bucks!'

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.

Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they just keep coming, duck after duck after duck!

The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your Genie's' a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks.'

'No shit!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?'

Niki,

I think you missed a bit of the point of Matt's comment...either that or I did. I took it as when he met someone who has returned from service that is a douchebag that he would then return the favor by telling him he'd lose his girl.

All of us here have a lot of respect for Jordan, Rich and even people we don't know who are serving our country in the Middle East; however, the respect can of course be altered when the person you are respecting doesn't prove worthy of the respect and does everything the opposite of how it should be done.

And indeed Kudos to the infantry, they all have more balls than I do

Oh, and to SSA!

Just washed and taped the 300. Gas 'er up tomorrow and take off super early Friday morning

Just hope it doesn't rain in the meantime.

A ventriloquist's car breaks down near a farm and he decides to have a little fun with the redneck farmer that owned it.

wright county here in MN has a 25.00USD fax fee.

FU

Fax fee?? What the hell are you talking about?

I needed to fax a judgement satisfaction from a million years ago into wright county court house. If I wished to fax it to them.... they have a 25 dollar "Fax fee".

I was completely amazed.

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine

Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick

before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.

but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before

breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed

to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is

strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak

on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food,

but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on

coffee. Their food plus yours holds you until noon when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to

harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route

march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get

sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. He

nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just

ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for

shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head

and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.

All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load

your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle

with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.

It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they

got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake I only beat

him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds

and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get

onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

Clem drove his pickup alongside the road and showed his buddy Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that there tree. I remember it plain as day. It was a warm summer day... We were madly in love... We made our way down to that the tree and made love for hours," explained Clem.

"That sounds amazing," exclaimed Jed.

"Yep, it was goin' real well until I looked up and saw her momma standing right there watching us..."

"Damn, what did her momma say when she saw you puttin' it to her daughter?" "Baaaaa..."

KU 40... you sir are random!

haha thanks. My girlfriend says the same thing. hmm.......

Ramos, you are on a roll.

Two rednecks are hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Just got 26mpg 100% city driving with some a/c use & occassional run up to redline with the Spec V... about 3mpg better than I have ever gotten. Cool.

Just got 26mpg 100% city driving with some a/c use & occassional run up to redline with the Spec V... about 3mpg better than I have ever gotten. Cool.

WHat is the cause do you think?

That's pretty nice.

Ramos, you are on a roll.

Just finally getting a chance to read some email

Just got 26mpg 100% city driving with some a/c use & occassional run up to redline with the Spec V... about 3mpg better than I have ever gotten. Cool.

WHat is the cause do you think?

That's pretty nice.

1) Finally installed a 02 sim for the 2nd 02 sensor (3 of them on the exhaust) to rid myself of an 02 code from removing one of the two cats (but I just did that on Friday, so I've only put on ~100km since then).

2) I've started using 5th gear when I'm above 25mph if traffic is flowing well, since the Spec has enough torque not to lug the engine at that speed.

3) Alignment, front had slight toe out.

"From Wednesday Evening to Thursday Afternoon we expect close to 1 mm of rain."

wright county here in MN has a 25.00USD fax fee.

FU

Fax fee?? What the hell are you talking about?

I needed to fax a judgement satisfaction from a million years ago into wright county court house. If I wished to fax it to them.... they have a 25 dollar "Fax fee".

I was completely amazed.

Oh to the courthouse, we live in an effing liberal state they tax everything. c0cksuckers

$25 to fax something to them. They can kiss my ass on that one.

Just got 26mpg 100% city driving with some a/c use & occassional run up to redline with the Spec V... about 3mpg better than I have ever gotten. Cool.

WHat is the cause do you think?

That's pretty nice.

1) Finally installed a 02 sim for the 2nd 02 sensor (3 of them on the exhaust) to rid myself of an 02 code from removing one of the two cats (but I just did that on Friday, so I've only put on ~100km since then).

2) I've started using 5th gear when I'm above 25mph if traffic is flowing well, since the Spec has enough torque not to lug the engine at that speed.

3) Alignment, front had slight toe out.

Yea, I know having a standard is soo easy to get good gas mileage on the highway. This week I got 28mpg and I'm working on better techniques for city driving. It's really a crap-shoot though, depending on how many redlights/stoplights I hit.

I need to behave on the highway Friday as I want to be able to see what this car can do MPG wise.

wright county here in MN has a 25.00USD fax fee.

FU

Fax fee?? What the hell are you talking about?

I needed to fax a judgement satisfaction from a million years ago into wright county court house. If I wished to fax it to them.... they have a 25 dollar "Fax fee".

I was completely amazed.

Oh to the courthouse, we live in an effing liberal state they tax everything. c0cksuckers

They tax stuff like crazy here as well. They have been making a big deal about doing away with personal property taxes on automobiles for the past 10 years here. 5 years ago they started reducing them by 20%. 5 x 20% = 100% correct ? Hell no , damn taxes went back up this year to 10% higher than what they were before they started the reduction.

I need to behave on the highway Friday as I want to be able to see what this car can do MPG wise.

MDS right? Shouldn't do too badly.

Just got 26mpg 100% city driving with some a/c use & occassional run up to redline with the Spec V... about 3mpg better than I have ever gotten. Cool.

WHat is the cause do you think?

That's pretty nice.

1) Finally installed a 02 sim for the 2nd 02 sensor (3 of them on the exhaust) to rid myself of an 02 code from removing one of the two cats (but I just did that on Friday, so I've only put on ~100km since then).

2) I've started using 5th gear when I'm above 25mph if traffic is flowing well, since the Spec has enough torque not to lug the engine at that speed.

3) Alignment, front had slight toe out.

Yea, I know having a standard is soo easy to get good gas mileage on the highway. This week I got 28mpg and I'm working on better techniques for city driving. It's really a crap-shoot though, depending on how many redlights/stoplights I hit.

Best highway I've gotten was 33.3mpg, but I did hit 31mpg on the way back from the Twin Cities, going 75-80mph with an extra 1100 pounds of luggage & people.

MDS right? Shouldn't do too badly.

Yes - hoping for 23-25+. Cruise control at 105 km/h the entire way (550km).

MDS right? Shouldn't do too badly.

Yes - hoping for 23-25+. Cruise control at 105 km/h the entire way (550km).

Where to?